thoughts on being a stay at home momma

where to begin?

….

is there something you’ve always known was what you were meant to do with your life? career, sport, cause what have you? regardless of everything i have done and will do with my life i’ve always known i was meant to be a momma. and with that, a stay at home one.

as a little girl i had illusions of what this would mean, as many of us do playing with our barbies and baby dolls. and there is a lot of build up and expectation as there is significant time between these childish dreams and their realization. then suddenly you’re pregnant and its happening. all those dreams, fears and questions are swirling in your head as you grow to the size of a house. and before you know it its 3am and you’re up nursing your 8 month old son. (whhhaaaaat?!). you’re in it, living it. the dream is happening. and it is not at all what you thought it would be…as most dreams often aren’t. its so much better and so much more difficult all at the same time.

in an instant your whole identity changes. your body changes. your heart changes. your perspective changes. your social circles change. your wardrobe even changes (what are heels again?). there are many days when your only other adult interaction is with your spouse (although around these parts thats not even a regular occurrence), or via text message with your friends…sadly my iphone and i are rarely apart. the days are long and more often than not i do not get more than a few minutes to myself. there are break downs and sad weak moments. but when i stop and say to myself would i really want to change this the answer is always “no”.

image
image
image

some days i wonder what it is that i’m bringing to the world. am i making the most of myself? am i even bringing enough to my family? am i going to ruin this kid’s life? i fail at being a good mom regularly. my list of failures is never ending. and i often wonder why it is that my sweet little boy didn’t get someone else as his mom. and then i take a deep breath, thank God that I am lucky enough to be his mom and to live this life. it isn’t a glamorous one. it’s a little money in the bank, so tired I can’t think, stretch-marked, sometimes lonely, amazing life. even when i think i won’t make it until bedtime this happens
image
and life is SO good.

*shout out* i just want to give a HUGE shout out to all the working moms out there. i have NO IDEA how you do it, you’re amazing and you’re doing an awesome job. and to all the stay at home mommas- you have been blessed with the ability to be with your babes and you’re doing such an important job. so put on that scrubby t-shirt, ignore the messy house and go play with your loves 🙂

Advertisements
Comments
2 Responses to “thoughts on being a stay at home momma”
  1. Misty says:

    Brought Tears to my eyes!! I swear you read my mind and thoughts.. Couldn’t have said it better as a stay at home mom. Those little people show us how important life really is don’t they!?

  2. Lauren says:

    I can’t believe Drew is 8 months old… and standing!! What the heck! Don’t worry about bringing more to your family… love is all Drew needs from you. And booby.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • California Quail live in coveys and enjoy community dust baths.

%d bloggers like this: